It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Houston, we have a blender
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
