hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
