Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
