I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
