She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my being single is dangerous.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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