So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
as a side note pls kill me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
