State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Let's paint friendship bongs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Randomize
