a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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