my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would ride that face into the sunset
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
