his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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