It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize