her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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