i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
