Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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