A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
