just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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