from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
