I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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