Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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