I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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