my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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