I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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