Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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