Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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