This is not my ceiling
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
