I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
