actually, I'm a sock model
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
