Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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