On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
