Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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