dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
