Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
