You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
