Don't you send me to vm
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
