I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
