Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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