I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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