you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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