captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
