this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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