Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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