Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
