NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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