walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
