Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
