I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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