My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
