dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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