I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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