Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
