I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
