I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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