i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
