I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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