Your face is a jimmy john
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize