Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
