So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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