dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found the puke drawer
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
