fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
