Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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