i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
