I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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