Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
