she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
