I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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