I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish you could order shots online.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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