i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
