if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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