You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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