i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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