i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
