im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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