The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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