New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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