My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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