You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
