that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
