The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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