My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
